I suppose now that its been plenty of time and know that no one will be checking this site- i can start writing again.
Huhh...Start writing again...
It seems all i ever had to write before were either complaints or prayers, or complaints followed by prayers. No one saw the written complaints, only few saw the prayer.
what will you think of me if you really knew me? i really know me, and i think i'm great...most of the time...even in times while i cut myself up into little tiny pieces and scorn at the bloody mess i've made.
It is in those dark times that i stop writing. i stop painting. stop moving. i close my heart up even from my self. i keep the illusions, the actions of giving and serving and loving and smiling, but with a closed heart none of this exists.
i stay quiet. i know this too will pass. i boil and freeze in this blessed and worthless stillness at the same time. i have cried myself to sleep while laughing in my dreams. This human phase will soon be through. i remind my self. shine like a star, and then simply explode and turn to dust. it is a joke. it is fun, this sad/hilarious dark/light experience.
what if i didn't only
why is it that i want
sadness is a part of the human experience, but still i do not want to share my sadness with any of you.
when i was very young and felt sad or angry i wrote it down- it felt good- and then i burned it. i act now in a similar matter when i pray- i write what i create, then burn it and release it to be manifested. when i was young i never burned my sadness to create more of it though (i did plenty to feed it otherwise). i burned the ink-filled paper so that no one would ever know my sadness.
this sadness i have hidden (though unsuccessfully, as those who know me well have witnessed) has been with me since my first memories in this body.
i remember so much...the claustrophobic panic that accompanied my journeys back from the freedom of the astral and infinite, back to my finite and puny, infantile human body. the homesickness that follows me throughout these planes is like this unquenchable thirst. it is unquenchable only because the thirst itself has never been true. how can i thirst for something that has ever been within and of me?
my sadness is not my own, and yet i coddle and carry it wherever i go because if i do not then i will lose that which i fear. we build so much of our identity around and on that which we fear as a human being. without my fears, i will have to be my true self, and my true self is not human at all...
all this temporal bullshit...fuck
Huhh...Start writing again...
It seems all i ever had to write before were either complaints or prayers, or complaints followed by prayers. No one saw the written complaints, only few saw the prayer.
what will you think of me if you really knew me? i really know me, and i think i'm great...most of the time...even in times while i cut myself up into little tiny pieces and scorn at the bloody mess i've made.
It is in those dark times that i stop writing. i stop painting. stop moving. i close my heart up even from my self. i keep the illusions, the actions of giving and serving and loving and smiling, but with a closed heart none of this exists.
i stay quiet. i know this too will pass. i boil and freeze in this blessed and worthless stillness at the same time. i have cried myself to sleep while laughing in my dreams. This human phase will soon be through. i remind my self. shine like a star, and then simply explode and turn to dust. it is a joke. it is fun, this sad/hilarious dark/light experience.
what if i didn't only
why is it that i want
sadness is a part of the human experience, but still i do not want to share my sadness with any of you.
when i was very young and felt sad or angry i wrote it down- it felt good- and then i burned it. i act now in a similar matter when i pray- i write what i create, then burn it and release it to be manifested. when i was young i never burned my sadness to create more of it though (i did plenty to feed it otherwise). i burned the ink-filled paper so that no one would ever know my sadness.
this sadness i have hidden (though unsuccessfully, as those who know me well have witnessed) has been with me since my first memories in this body.
i remember so much...the claustrophobic panic that accompanied my journeys back from the freedom of the astral and infinite, back to my finite and puny, infantile human body. the homesickness that follows me throughout these planes is like this unquenchable thirst. it is unquenchable only because the thirst itself has never been true. how can i thirst for something that has ever been within and of me?
my sadness is not my own, and yet i coddle and carry it wherever i go because if i do not then i will lose that which i fear. we build so much of our identity around and on that which we fear as a human being. without my fears, i will have to be my true self, and my true self is not human at all...
all this temporal bullshit...fuck
posted by Jennabel at 6:20 PM
13 Comments:
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my site, it is about the CresceNet, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . A hug.
Ola crescenet,
Muita obrigada por seus complimentos.
Eu visite o seu site. Passo um tempo desde que eu li alguma coisa em Portugues, entao nao compreendi completamente.
Conheco voce?
Tudo de bom pra voce e um abraco.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Oh Jennabelle,
Your sadness is so hidden by your beauty - inner and outer. Look deep - maybe this sadness has diminished to such a small seed deep inside of you that it is only nourished by your mind. Manifest joy. Manifest love. Manifest inner peace. Manifest the absence of fear. And then celebrate gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
In peace and light and love,
Khani
Oh Jennabelle,
Your sadness is so hidden by your beauty - inner and outer. Look deep - maybe this sadness has diminished to such a small seed deep inside of you that it is only nourished by your mind. Manifest joy. Manifest love. Manifest inner peace. Manifest the absence of fear. And then celebrate gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
In peace and light and love,
Khani
Oh Jennabelle,
Your sadness is so hidden by your beauty - inner and outer. Look deep - maybe this sadness has diminished to such a small seed deep inside of you that it is only nourished by your mind. Manifest joy. Manifest love. Manifest inner peace. Manifest the absence of fear. And then celebrate gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.
In peace and light and love,
Khani
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Webcam, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://webcam-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
A good pad will protect the bag, as well as help provide a good night's rest.. [url=http://www.2012canadagoosepascher.fr]Doudoune Canada Goose[/url] Those graphics were discontinued, but many ski shops sell them at a discount. They are very well adjusted, outgoing, happy and have strong self esteems.. ".
The disease, known as thyrotoxic hypokalemic periodic paralysis, causes acute attacks of weakness in muscles that control movement. [url=http://www.icanadagooseca.com]canada goose jackets[/url] My only concern is that I've never paid less than about $100 bucks for frames, and most of these are less than $30 - my prescription is semi complicated (astigmatism mostly) but I don't need a really thick plastic frame for it. [url=http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca]canada goose for sale[/url]
[url=http://flyballbags.com]canada goose jacket[/url] We choose to wear a particular brand of clothing, shoes, with a particular brand of handbags or jewelry, should not just because I like it a beautiful appearance, it should be because we agree with the concept of the brand, because the history behind the brand, because the design the art teacher cultivation, because the brand's influence on us. [url=http://www.onlinebeatsbydreoutlet.com]beats by dre buy online[/url]
well i am not surprised about eating babies. [url=http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca]canada goose[/url] Most patients recover within days, with some degree of immunity. I wrote them a long letter, too, explaining how Sherlock Holmes worked and the question, 'Who wanted these people dead' all pointed to the White House. Their original style of dress and behaviour was meant to symbolize tough, patriotic, working-class attitudes, the Skinhead look is easily recognizable: a shaved head or very short hair; jeans; thin suspenders braces; combat boots or Doc Martens lace colours- NF white - Anti NF yellow, although this doesn't matter now but in the 80s it was a very important things in cites in Ireland/England a bomber jacket, Fred Perry tops, Ben Sherman shirts and sta pressed Levi's.
It really isn't a hiding out, but a crossing of a physical border, that parallels the metaphorical border Dell is crossing in his life.. [url=http://www.icanadagooseca.com]canada goose jackets[/url] The most common are the short hair length and the shoulder length. http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca
[url=http://flyballbags.com]canada goose down jackets[/url] long as you from now on, conscious aging in the skin by adding a little thought to ensure that 10 years later, your skin and the others big difference! Louboutin Boots A smiling eyes, give it the essence of making points Louboutin Boots Recently I heard one anecdote, some of Taiwan's female star, worried eyes of Minister of crow's feet, hold their hands when they laugh every corner, narrowing his [url=http://www.onlinebeatsbydreoutlet.com]are beats pro comfortable[/url]
Synthetic= cheaper, washable, etc. [url=http://www.vanessasac.com]Sac vanessa bruno[/url] Notice if the existing owner talks to customers, and the quality of the relationship between the location owner and the vending route owner. PONTIAC New and Used was a Trans Am part is EV on dayton industrial motor 3kw34g Canada. Guys: get over it with the whole larger penis ego trip! If you have a REAL erectile dysfunction problem, get it treated.
When you get a blast of wind coming at you, it feels like it's stripping your skin off. [url=http://www.icanadagooseca.com]canada goose parka[/url] Titled Unreasonable Behaviour, the work was somewhat of a departure for his style with its dark, apocalyptic mood. [url=http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca]canada goose[/url]
[url=http://flyballbags.com]canada goose jacket[/url] This release has its pluses in a couple of areas just like the other volumes in that it's the first time it's a bilingual release, which means we get to hear some popular voice actors tackle the roles at long last, as well as the first time that ADV Studios got to handle the dub for it. [url=http://www.onlinebeatsbydreoutlet.com]buy beats by dre pro[/url]
As their pay increases over time, their mortgages stay the same, making them relatively wealthier each year. [url=http://www.vanessasac.com]sacs vanessa bruno soldes [/url] Our unfriendly business attitudes and the childish behaviour of many of our elected officials is being noticed abroad and we are being taken less seriously than we were reality is that while governments speak of growth and a bright future, there is no political appetite to achieve it. The finest achievement that has include Meratol is being able to be considered a terrific product that produced from 100% organic elements and isn seen to possess any undesirable unwanted effects associated with it. All three groups belong to the family Accipitridae.
The company also asked auditor Grant Thornton to test its business and services. [url=http://www.icanadagooseca.com]canada goose outlet[/url] Gurgaon is the most happening places in the Delhi NCR. [url=http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca]canada goose sale[/url]
[url=http://flyballbags.com]canada goose chilliwack[/url] Lee GradyA prophetic Word about Marriages and RemarriagesKENYA ELECTION 2007 PROPHECYASPIRITUAL SHIFTING AND SIFTING IS COMING TO THE CHURCHPROPHETS AND PROPHECYTHE CHRISTIAN PROPHETS ROLE IN NEW TESTAMENT- by prophet Theodore AluochWOE UNTO THE UNREPENTANT CITIES article prophecy by prophet Theodore AluocCRY OUT KENYA SAYS THE LORDDeception from false prophecy href="/page/THOU+IAM+LAME+I+HAVE+A+VISION" rel="2">THOU IAM LAME I HAVE A VISIONTHE PROPHECY YEAR 2008- TO THE NATION CHURCHESTHE CHURCH IN THE BELLY OF THE SNAKE AND THE WISDOM OF APASTORREBUILDING THE PRAYER WALLS BY PROPHET MAGAKAWAKENING CALL FOR PRAYERINTIMACYTHE BRIDE OF CHRIST BY PERRY STONEANEW PROPHETIC WORD FOR KENYA 2008REBUILDING THE WALLS OF PRAYERTHOSE THAT HAVE SHED BLOOD IN KENYA ARE GOING TO HELLTRIAL OF FAITHREMNANTS BEGET REMNANTSWILL YOU TAKE A STAND AND BE COUNTEDKENYA IS CRUMBLING SAYS THE LORDKENYA REPENT OF YOUR IDOLSPROPHECIES href="/page/OVERCOMING+WITCHCRAFT+BY+RICK+JOYNER" >OVERCOMING WITCHCRAFT BY RICK JOYNERThe Laver. [url=http://www.onlinebeatsbydreoutlet.com]buy beats by dre replica[/url]
They aren't good for hunting (if you are hunting something larger than rabbits). [url=http://www.vanessasac.com]cabas vanessa bruno[/url] And if weight can affect performance, a horse that's lost 20 pounds would theoretically have a racing advantage.. New legislation, regulations and precedent-setting court awards will have a measurable but manageable effect on the frequency layer. This covers me, my wife, and my son.
The dollar was down across the board Thursday, dropping to a nine-year low against the Indian rupee amid strong demand from foreign funds investing in India's booming economy. [url=http://www.icanadagooseca.com]canada goose jackets[/url] If you do find out that it is a 36 month agreement, it never hurts to ask if you can make a modification to sign a month to month contract. [url=http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca]canada goose sale[/url]
http://flyballbags.com Wilson Episode Film Festival Ginger Jolly Glimpse In the Path of the Storms John Lee julia tillinghast kathryn tucker windham Kerry Madden Kirk Curnutt Knocking Girls Down live TV lowndes county Max Shores Mentone Mike Letcher Neil White Nick Rymer Not My Son Pebble Hill Peter Campion Preston Sullivan Richard Johnston: Hill country Troubadour Richard Tillinghast Rob Briscoe Roger Reid screening Series Sidewalk Songs Inside The Box Susan Gregg Gilmore Thomas Lakeman UA University of Alabama wayne greenhaw Wendy Reed [url=http://www.onlinebeatsbydreoutlet.com]monster beats pro limited edition[/url]
40+ Mipits over, lots of Chiffchaffs (73). http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca After a drop in admissions and theatrical revenues in the mid-Eighties, largely attributable to the quick spread of cable television and the videocassette recorder, the box office is boffo again. How can a wine have tannins so intense, but so refined at the same time? I would suggest at least five more years of aging before enjoying this excellent Barbaresco.. William said he would tell Samuel's lawyer.
It is believed that most people have much knowledge of Canada goose label. [url=http://www.icanadagooseca.com]canada goose outlet[/url] Its relatively affordable price attracted a lot of homeowners to canvass awnings. [url=http://officialcanadagoosesoutlet.ca]canada goose parka sale[/url]
http://flyballbags.com even though there seemed to be the celebration where by the personnel failed to find that they were subjected to in order to harmful substances till immediately after adjusting outside his or her function apparel, absolutely nothing is that will cease your pet via searching for pay out to the time frame they put in adjusting as well as showering underneath [employer] existing plan, this judge stored. [url=http://www.onlinebeatsbydreoutlet.com]beats by dre pro knockoffs[/url]
Post a Comment
<< Home